TMI Tuesday..

Hi Friends!

Yes, it has been too long since I have posted, and I hate that. I feel out of the loop, and there seems like there is too much to do. Anyway, so to get you caught up on where I am, I decided to do a TMI Tuesday.

First of all, I am in a negative space lately--I am sorry, I can not help it. Normally, I love this time of year, but this time I feel a little disgruntled. I am tired, and I do not have enough time to get what I need done; and on top of it I have to travel the next two weeks...maybe some time away will be good for me.

I am getting older...yep, I will be 33 in January....Now, I had a conversation with my best male friend today--he is hot for some 23 year old chick right now...no offense to the young women out there. But, I would not want to go back. When I was in my 20s, I was so idealistic--almost pathetic to a point, I thought life was going to bring me a knight in shining armour, and hearts and flowers....I am much more realistic now. I know that knights wear rusty armour, and the hearts and flowers are the ones that you draw on a peice of paper when you doodle. Now, I know that you have to make life what you want, and that sex is SO much better in your thirties. I am much more self assured, I know what to do to make myself cum the way I need to, and I LOVE sex even more than when I was in my 20s. The problem is, that I found a wrinkle today, the grey is coming in, and gravity is taking my boobs on a downward spiral....

UGH...travel. I hate it this time of year. Luckily, I am staying on the Left Coast...and do not have to worry until January for a cross country trip...so, I guess I better suck it up.

Sucky ass clients, they do not cooperate! I am doing an eval at this time that is driving me nuts. I think I need to go to law school. The funny thing was, that I was talking to an attorney friend today, and he told me I am allowed to keep my bias against damn attorneys...apparently, I have earned the right...thanks T!

Anyway, thats it...oh, except I am also on a major diet now too...very rigorous, and I am trying to shed the extra weight from the chemo this summer...so, far 15 pounds are gone....wish me luck. The food part is not so hard, but the lack of soy lattes is getting to me!

Happy Week Friends....
andi

PS~Thanks Py for putting a smile on my face with this great pic!

Trojan Pride!!

Yes, it is that time of year again...the time of year when you see people argue at gas stations, people dressed in cardinal and gold, and people running around in true Trojan garb...Yep, it is the game of the year...the USC Trojans playing the UCLA Bruins....I love it!

As some of you know, I am a Trojan girl, and my dad is an alumni of UCLA...we have the best feuds! This year if the Trojans lose, then I have to help scrape barnacles off my dads boat; in turn, if the Bruins lose, then my dad has to detail my Jeep...GAME ON!

But, the best bet is the sexual favors I will win from someone when the Trojans kick some ass....

Wish me luck friends...
xoxo!
andi

Stolen MeMe..

Yep, I am not creative...I think the workload, the holidays, and the pure craziness of life has officially froze my creativity...so, thank you KJ for letting me swipe this!

1. Yourself: Tired and tired of being tired!

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend (spouse): Um, all of the above :)

3. Your hair: In a pony-tail

4. Your mother: Oh my..she is coming for Christmas--fuck!

5. Your father: Fucken brilliant!

6. Your favorite item: My brand new panties that say "Naughty" across the ass!

7. Your dream last night: Made me cum...

8. Your favorite drink: Iced Green Tea from Starbucks...my damn trainer took me off the Latte!

9. Your dream car: My sexy ass Jeep I drive now!

10. The room you are in: Family room

11. Your ex: Sexy as hell, and the most absent person you will ever meet.

12. Your fear: Drowning, and being miserable and stuck forever!

13. What you want to be in 10 years? A kick-ass policy maker in DC

14. Who you hung out with last night? Chris

15. What You're Not? Energetic, creative and happy.

16. Muffins: Carrot Raisin from Mimi's

17. One of your wish list items: A new life!

18. Time: Supposedly heals??

19. The last thing you did: ate a salad

20. What you are wearing: undies and a pj top

21. Your favorite weather: right now? Snowy...but Jon is stealing my snow!!

22. Your favorite book: To Kill a Mockingbird

23. The last thing you ate: Salad

24. Your life: Fucked

25. Your mood: Fucked

26. Your best friend: ROCKS!

27. What are you thinking about right now? I need to cum!

28. Your car: My favorite!

29. What are you doing at the moment? Typing this and thinking about all the crap I have to do! Anyone want to iron my clothes for tomorrow?

30. Your summer: interesting.

31. Your relationship status: Can I take the 5th?

32. What is on your TV? Some stupid Sci Fi Channel show...not my choice!

33. What is the weather like? Cold, snowy and windy!

34. When is the last time you laughed? This morning at the nasty guy who rolled his tounge over his lips at me when I was driving back to work from a meeting..yikes!

xoxo!
andi

Happy Birthday to me....

Yes, I know..sorry! It has been awhile since I have posted, and I am literally starting to get hate mail over the Jessica Simpson video. Look, that was the only video with that specific song available...so suck it up!!

Our mountains are dry..only like a 4 inch base--which sucks!! Damn it, Jon stop stealing my snow!! Send those clouds back this way! My snowboard is lonely, and is aching to be rode!

So, as you can tell from the title..someone is having a birthday..ME! Well, okay not really me--but, Secrets of a Sexblogger is officially 1 YEAR OLD today. My blog has had 220,000 hits, and I have had the pleasure to make some wonderful friends through this experience. Thanks to each of you for all of your love, support and comments! So now what? Well, I know I keep talking about re-vamping and getting this thing up and running more, but I am doing a poor job at that. My new job had been taking a ton of my time, and I am now in the process of beginning my thesis. What does this all mean? Well, it means I have to spend less time here in Blogland, and more time in reality....which, sucks! So, bare with me as I struggle through my day to day grid and blog as I can.

With all this said...I miss you all! I hope you had a wonderful holiday!

xoxo!
andi

View from my Window

It is late, and my office is quiet. I look out the window, and I can see the darkness as it falls on the city. I hear the last person in the office telling me she is leaving, and that she will lock the door. I sigh as I realize I still have many hours of work to do to get caught up. As I begin to look down on my desk, I hear your voice. I look up surprised, but I am also glad to see you.

Standing in the doorway, you look handsome and strong. I can see the outline of your shape as you walk over to me. Your belt squeaking...that sexy squeak that drew me to you in the first place. You look at me, and pull my hair away from my neck..kissing me lightly. I hear you unsnap your pouch on your belt, and you take out the cold cuffs and put them on my wrist. You say nothing, but I know you like it when we play this game. You pick me up and place me on my desk; my legs spread. You pull my skirt up; exposing my black stalkings and garter belt....you grin devilishly as you run your hand up my legs and kiss my mouth. My hands cuffed, and my being unable to touch you the way I want to, drives me wild.

You pull me toward you--I can feel the hard armour against your chest, but it does not detour you. You lay me back on my desk, and pull me toward the edge. I feel you pull down my panties with your teeth--I giggle at your playfulness...it has been a long time since I have seen you like this. I feel your finger enter me; you begin rubbing my clit. Your mouth on my thigh as you begin to suck on my skin. You are exciting me now, and I begin to breath heavier. You pull me closer to you; my hands still cuffed, and I put my legs over your shoulders. I feel your mouth on my clit as I begin to moan. I look over at my large window and I think about the view.....

Make me cum...

xoxo!
andi

Are you Kidding Me?

Look what I got!

Dear Andi:

You asked what I think about.. I'll share a little bit. I wonder where
you are during the day, how you are doing. I wonder what you are
wearing, what your perfume smells like. I wonder what your hair would
feel like running through my fingers, what your kiss will feel like. I
think about your smile and wonder what your eyes look like (perhaps
you'll send me a picture some day??) I think how wonderful it would be
to wake up next to you in the morning with the sun shining through a
near by window - waking you with small kisses and a soft caress tracing
across your hip and thigh. I wonder how amazing it would be to explore
our raw passionate desires for each other - letting go of all fear and
restraint.

So, I share this with you, because I have no idea who this is from! Nice huh? Someone with so much passion, and no return address...wow, if only we could can this and sell it!

SIGH...
andi

Do you need to ask?

You asked me what my fantasy was. I giggled as I looked at you; that coy look that makes you melt. Here we are sitting in our favorite dark booth in the back of the trendy wine bar next to the river, and you ask my fantasy? I move closer to you; my hand on your thigh. I whisper in your ear. I ask you to look at the table across the room. I point her out. The woman with the raven colored hair, and the green eyes. You smile at me. I tell you that I want her, and I want you to tell me how to please her. You look surprised. I continue describing to you how I want to make love to her, and have you watch. I want you to see me indulge my fantasy. I want you to mentor me in making a woman cum the way you have made me cum earlier tonight.

Are you ready?

xoxo~
andi

Just for You

Just for You

I lay before you
My legs spread
The look in my eyes
So inviting

You hear my breath become heavy
The light moan on your lips as we begin to kiss
You can taste us

We kiss deeper
Your thoughts invaded by me
So vigorous

My release is close
My hand begins to explore the wetness between my legs
I smile at you while I have you watch
I begin to moan—ever so lightly

I lay before you
I am ready for you to explore
Take me

TMI Tuesday

Woo Hoo! It is TMI Tuesday Ladies and Gents! So, I have refused to do the longest MeMe ever...I just am not that focused. So, instead I leave you with a MeMe..Andi Style. Please feel free to steal this!

1. How do you feel right now?
Like someone kicked me in the stomach, and lonely..

2. What was the best thing about your day?
Waking up to a dusting of snow! Woo Hoo...can you say snowboarding??

3. If you could name your vagina/penis, what would you name it?
Freudette...serious?

4. Where did you masturbate last?
In the bathroom at work...yes, I needed to clear my mind.

5. Bath or Shower?
Depends on my time. Shower in the morning..bath when I need to relax.

6. Who was the last person you wanted to tell to "fuck off"
That would of been an attorney today who did not like my report I submitted! Dumb ass!

7. When was the last time someone flirted with you?
This morning..Mullet Man...he told me I looked "smashing and delicious"...seriously, how come I like this shit?

8. What does your future look like?
It looks like Law School...hopefully! Yep, I know. I hate lawyers..but, hell I have to do something to try and save them right? Maybe Goose and I can open a practice together..lol!

9. Who did you have lunch with today?
No one...I was totally swamped, and had to skip out on my lunch with my friend! Sorry T!

10. What did you watch on television tonight?
Nothing! There is nothing on, and I just can not get into Dancing with the Stars..serious.

xoxo!
andi

Follow Me...

I ask you to take this trip. I want you to feel safe. You know you can trust me. I have spent so many hours getting to know you; making sure you know I understand your fragility. Follow Me...

You are kind, and your laugh sends shivers through my body. I close my eyes and I can feel your breath against my neck as you explore my body. I can taste you on my lips, and think about our souls chaining together as we kiss. My skin becomes so alive as I think about your touch, and my desire to be close to you becomes overwhelming. Follow Me...

When I am alone, I dream about your being inside of me. My being able to see the expression of ecstacy on your face as you cum within me. I am aroused, and my hand explores my moist, warm pussy. I think of you as I come to an orgasm; longing for you to be there with me. Follow Me..

My thoughts seem so eratic to you. I dream and fantasize, and you are not sure what to think, but I want you to come with me. Follow me in to this world of dreams, I promise it will be worth it.

Thinking of you...
Andi

Saturday Song

Thanks to KJ, and MX for posting on KJs blog, I stole this idea. I like to post a Saturday Song and most of the time I leave you with lyrics..today, I am getting HI-TECH!

Enjoy!
Andi

Cab Video - Train lyrics

Train Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

Myspace Layouts

Taunt Me Tuesday....

Wow, is it Tuesday already? Where did the weekend go? I am exhausted and in need of some rest. This weekend, Chris and I went away. We stayed in a cabin in the woods, and devoured one another. Nothing is better than waking up on a Monday morning--having a holiday from work, still feeling drunk from the night before and realizing that your pussy hurts when you pee because you fucked all night long.

So, I am back to the grind...work is getting really busy! I also wanted to let you know that I have a new gig. My sexy blog-lover over at Secrets, Lies and My Space has hired me on with sexual favors to give advice on love, sex and life! So, check this site out! http://slms.blogsome.com/

Anyway, I am still in the process of revamping this blog, as you can see..I actually switched to beta! Woo hoo. I am becoming technological! So, stay tuned!

xoxo!

andi

Indulgence...

Let me indulge you..
Your soul, your spirit.
Let me take you to a place
You have never been before.
Mentally, physically, enveloping.
Connections, I make with you..
Indulge me.

Thinking about You~
andi

Get your own MULLET...

Is it Friday yet? I am just sayin that this has been one long week! And btw, did anyone else notice that this month is moving fast? Anyway, I am back and being random. Yeah, I know...not always exciting, but hey what can I say. Here I am at home on a Friday night, and I am blogging and contmeplating the meaning of my existence....and I have not even had a drink!

So, this week....the Mullet Man has become a little more creative. This morning he gave me a rose that he picked from his garden. It was wilted, and a little frost bitten but I had to give him credit..he actually cut the rose and brought it to Starbucks to give to me.....btw, he also told me that "heaven must be the color green" when we saw one another earlier this week. I was wearing a green sweater.

Alright, and an update on the 40 year old virgin..apparently, he has been seen at the local cafe downtown eating lunch while reading a Hustler magazine right at his table...center-fold open and all. My poor friend who inherited him from me when I switched jobs is beside herself, and all I can do is laugh...damn, sometimes life is sweet! Can you imagine the poor waitress...lol! I miss that fucker!

Um, hmmm...life is interesting lately. I am feeling better. I know it is breast cancer awareness month, but as a person who has two bouts of cancer in the last 5 years..neither of them effecting my breasts, I think it is also important to raise awareness about just having yearly physicals. My thyroid cancer and lymphoma were both caught during regular check-ups. I have been thinking alot lately about how lucky I am to be here. Even though, I bitch and complain because I have gained like literally 50 pounds the last 4 months due to all of the drugs I have had to take....I am damn lucky to be here! Thanks to you all for your kind words.

Alright, I need to get creative again....I have asked Mike to come back from time to time and blog with me....and I am in the process of creating some new and exciting stuff! Stay tuned!!

xoxo!
andi

Sometimes it is just in words.

Thank you all for your kind words about my night out and realization that I am not a spring chicken. I have to say though, I was so touched by some of the comments and emails I received that I have to share some of them with you. I am sharing them not just to thank the authors, but also to let my fellow "not so" spring chicks know that there are actually men out there that dig us!

My first comment I want to share is.....

"You are not living at all in a dream world....deep down you should know how hot you are and how you stimulate thoughts of sexuality as you simply write about your world. You are certainly the hottest woman in the blog world that I read. You may not be the most graphic, you may not be the most hardcore, but from the very beginning of reading you--you fed my desire in a way that virtually no one else does. Your ability to weave thoughts and ideas into your entries that touch into real life in an entertaining and exciting way are exceptional.

I won't lie, I am bias, I do have special feelings for you, but they grow out of who you are not the pictures of your tits. I know that you can hold your own against any of the 20-somethings I know. You are smart, funny, sexy, a great writer, an incredibly sensual person. There have been times you have written about your longings and I could feel the desire so powerfully. You are an incredible woman and I know I only know a small slice of who Andi is. I wish I knew more."

Um, yeah....marry me?? Just sayin..where were these guys back in the day? Serious! Okay and the other one I love is....

"Regarding your September 30 post on being amongst a bunch of twenty somethings and feeling insecure. I can tell you with complete honesty and experience that I am hooked by any female who engages me with her eyes and holds me with her intelligence....I'm damn certain that you intimidated the youth around you as much as they affected you."

There it is ladies...true gentlemen..the sexy men that appreciate the virtue of experience and maturity! Apparently, I am not living in a dream world! Thanks again guys!

xoxo!
andi

PS~I am such a slacker...I promise that I will post the Hottie Couch Session with Pyrohnik this weekend!

Sex, Crantini's and Ho-Trains..

Friday night, was my first night out with the "girls" in it seems like forever. I have been spending my time lately working, doing more classes for a second Masters degree, visiting the local jail, and pretty much being worn out from the daily dose of life. So, after a formal shin-dig I had to attend for work, I headed out to the local martini bar. Of course, two of my closest chick friends cancelled, so it was just me and my "fav redhead" out on the town. We met up with my sweet little ex-intern and his fraternity brothers.

I dont look at myself as being "old" and I think I am pretty in touch with the new millenium, but nothing makes you feel older than hanging out with frat brothers who are all 20-something.

As I am sitting there drinking my Crantini...thoughts began running through my head like..When did I make it to this age? How did gravity and bad lighting become an issue? Why is it that all of the sudden I feel so insecure?

And there it was in my face..the ANSWER. The answer was a 22 year old.. 5'3" blonde with D's...looking at me like I was out of my league sitting at a table with my frat boys. Then I realized it is just not this chick..but I was surrounded. It was like the Ho-Train just made its stop and all the Ho's with big plastic tits and anorexic bodies were surrounding me. Yes, I know this is a wet dream for some (mike..) but hey, this is my worst nightmare.

As I continued to drink I ended up engaging in conversation, and realizing that hey these little bitches may have the bodies and big tits..but I have something else..yep, I have KNOWLEDGE..and EXPERIENCE! I remembered being that young, and being grossed out by oral sex, and refusing to swallow. I recall playing games, not communicating my feelings and being a jealous bitch. So, I decided that maybe having to take the extra efforts to color the grey, hide the stretch marks and wearing the push-up bras to defy gravity really isn't too bad after all. Maybe growing old gracefully is actually a virtue. Perhaps, there are men out there that like the experience and knowledge of the older woman..or maybe I am just living in a dream world!

xoxo!
andi

More than Enough Andi...serious.

So, apparently my amazing Andi post was not enough for you guys, cause now I got asked to do this MeMe..and I can not even remember who asked me to do it...so, thanks. Anyway, I am having some technical difficulties with the newest Tales from the Couch and so well..give me a day..and then we will all be looking at the twisted, sex mind of Pyrohnik. Let me tell you..that fucker gave me one hell of a time too...good thing he is SO damn sexy!

So..here we go..MeMe..

1. What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
Are we talking about booty calls or friends with benefits?? If that is it..then well..they work when they work. We can all use some meaningless sex from time to time but the best sex is always the emotionally, attached, snuggly kind..serious.

2. Do you bite your toenails?
Of course...they provide excellent protein!! What kind of question is this?

3. Are you a jealous person?
Um, sometimes..but more territorial...and I have been known to put up a cock block or two in my days...sorry ladies!

4. What are you allergic to?
Cats..plastic tape, and really stupid people.

5. What books, if any, have made you cry?
Wow, I rarely cry over things..um, probably the Dave Pelzer series. "I know my first name is it" and a "Man Named Dave." True stories of child abuse..and absolutley sad as hell.

6. Does it get annoying when somebody says they'll call you, but doesn't?
Depends who it is.

7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Cherry Garcia baby!! Or Chocolate Chip.

8. If someone you had no interest in dating expressed interest what would you say to them?
"Yeah..right" or "nice mullet!" (wow, I am kidding..I have no idea.)

9. What would you rather be doing right now?
Having sex..please!

10. What

Andi's Believe or Not....

So, tonight I was talking to Sug, and she mentioned I had not done a MeMe in awhile. So, I started telling her somethings I know how to do which amazed her..so, we came up with this list of 15 things that make me amazing....

1) I can play Golf..and probably can kick your ass. I was actually on the Golf Team in High-School.
2) I can actually play the Cello. I know, total geek..but it is hard as hell.
3) I can play the guitar, and sometimes I have been known to play at local coffee houses and sing. I am folksy that way..sort of like Sheryl Crowe.
4) I delivered a baby in the back of an ambulance..sick fucken mess to clean up!
5) I know how to surf. I miss the ocean.
6) I modeled for the Sears Catalog when I was six-years old.
7) I was a Girl-Scout and earned almost all my patches.

9) I went to Catholic School until High School...and yes, I still have the uniform!
10) My hair has been long enough to touch my ass, and short enough to only touch the nape of my neck.
11) I was married once before....he came out of the closet...enough said!
12) I have been published in journals, and technical briefs.
13) I had a sandwich with David Spade at Quizno's 2 years ago. He is funny as hell and cute too.
14) I skiied with Barbra Streisand once. She was on the slopes and I was with my dad...she rode up the lift with us and talked to my dad the whole way down. I think she wanted him.
15) I threw my bra on stage for Sammy Hagar once at a Van Halen concert on a dare..he picked it up and wore it around his neck the entire concert.

xoxo!
andi

It is getting colder. Good time of year for us to start getting out the flannel sheets and put the warmer blankets on the bed..and yes, the best part is the fact that I took my snowboard in today to get the bindings fixed!

But, as you know...it is Fuck You Friday...So, to honor this occassion, I have created a list of my "fuck you's"

1) To the asshole on the motorcycle this morning...FUCK YOU..there are two lanes for a reason and you do not own either of them!

2) To my neighbor who loves to get up on Saturday morning and weed whack at 7 a.m....FUCK YOU! Some of us are trying to sleep in please!

3) To the bitch at Starbucks this morning who gave me a dirty look because I accidently bumped her...Fuck off...I think you actually had fur on..I hope someone throws red paint on you!

4) To the mom who gave her toddler a spinach smoothie although they have been warning for OVER a week not to use spinach...you are one dumb fucken bitch!

5) And finally, my family is in town..so for all the ridiculous things my mother will tell me over the next 3 days just to make me feel guilty..Fuck off!

xoxox!
andi

Thursday Trauma and Tunes

2 years..tomorrow. So many questions and doubts. There has been laughter and pain. So many questions. So many uncertain moments. Striving to find true happiness~~So ready to do and pursue what I need to find you.

But today..I think about you..and what it is like to be alone with you in my mind....your touch and smell, the way you kiss..and it feels like trauma. There is this deep divide..this pull. I am confused. So, I sit on the couch drinking my Merlot..contemplating the rest of the years ahead..listening to tunes on the MP3...

So, I leave you with this..the tune in my mind.

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

xoxo~
andi

PS~Hope you thought about being alone with me in your mind too...and you never stop!

WTF Wednesday?

So, here at Secrets of a Sexblogger, I am starting a new tradition known as...

WTF Wednesday?

Anyway, this is going to be my day of the week when I rant, rave, bitch and whine about whatever and whoever I want. So, hope you enjoy.

First off, WTF...Mullet man, had got a little more brazen. He actually has a colleague of his also make cat calls at me now. Mullet man's friend..also has a Mullet..sorta like Billy Ray Cyrus from the 90's. It is frightening. They sit outside Starbucks and wait for me to walk to my car and then tell me hello. This morning I decided to make a comment first. I walked up behind Mullet Man #1 and Mullet Man #2 watched..I smiled and motioned for him to remain silent. I then brushed against Mullet Man #1 as I reached for a napkin..and said, "Well..my vision in flannel..mmm..how are you?" He just stared at me..mouth dropped open. Mullet Man #2 said.."he is fine." I giggled and walked out the front door.

Secondly, WTF...why is it that things you desire and think about always seem to be so un~obtainable. So, distant..so guarded. I hate that.

Third, WTF (dedicated to Steph)...did I mention how much I love my new job. It rocks. It is so nice, and posh. No clients whining. Today, I go to this little cafe downtown to meet a friend (a damn lawyer) for lunch when all of the sudden I am ran up on by my old client...yep, the 40 year old virgin! He told me he misses me. He then goes on to tell me that he is sure to get laid now because he has invested in Extenz...some herbal medicine to make his cock longer. He said he has his eye on a "honey" (he actually uses this term) in his Bipolar Support Group. WTF, am I supposed to say? I told him to take his "new meds" into the psychiatrist to make sure they do not interfere with his anti-psychotics. He agrees and then struts off.

God, someone give him a mercy fuck please!

Lastly, WTF..I have been SO fucken horny lately. I can not masturbate or fuck enough! I wonder if I am hitting my sexual prime? I am 32..isn't this when it happens? I need to look into it..I need a new toy. Oh, and has anyone ever thought about how sexy it is to hear a man cum..not just when they shoot their cum out..but the build up..the anticipation. I love it! Damn, I need a shower now!

Happy WTF Wednesday!

andi

Ps~! I am working on my next Tales from the Couch. This time it will feature another little hottie...Pyrhonik....hell, let's find out what the fuck that means! Stay tuned!

Kiss

Kiss..
Kiss with a tounge
the feel of your warm breath on my lips.



Soft touch
the embrace
The taste in your mouth
the taste of us--our fluids mixed

The kiss on my mouth after you have made me cum
Kiss me.

xoxo~
andi

Fingers...

I love fingers...
Mine..
Yours..
His..

I love the way they can thrust within me
bringing me to the brink of an orgasm
and then stop

The feeling of the vigorous movement
your hand becoming soaked with my juices
as I clench tight around your finger

One finger or two..
if I am lucky, sometimes three..
Mmmm...I love
fingers...

xoxo! andi

Back to Basics...

There has been an evolution here at Secrets of a Sexblogger. I mean, am I really even a sex blogger anymore? What the hell road am I traveling? I know you guys are confused, and so am I to be honest.

I started this blog with my husband Chris, yep..some of you remember the days when he actually contributed with comment and writings. Then, he decided to contribute by letting me be free and express myself to bloggerville. I shared my inner-most secrets, my horniest thoughts and adventures. I posted pictures of every inch of my body, and I flirted with commenters. Then it happened..someone out there became a little too scary, and I had to pull my blog down. After a few days of thinking, I started again...from scratch. And, most of you have seen a different side of me from when I first started. You saw my plight to get my dream job, my rants about reality television, and my interviews from the couch.

Now, to be honest...I have no idea where to go. Sometimes I think about quitting. I do not get the comments and traffic I once did. And, I get email telling me how disappointed people are in my evolution. I even got email the other day that scolded me for sharing my story about 9/11 and how I hated Texas because of the sad memories. I saw a very dear blogger buddy pass away, and now I am about to approach my one year anniversary of being here in bloggerville. What people dont always seem to understand is this is MY place. I can not rant and rave all day. I cant tell people about my sex-life, and I can never, ever reveal my weaknesses. Therapists are not allowed to be more mental than their clients....but guess what, we are!

So, in short...perhaps I will get back to basics. I will just do whatever I feel like doing and not really give a fuck about who I am pleasing or not pleasing. Blogging is supposed to be about ME, and what I want the world to know. So, if I disappointed you..I am sorry. For those of you that keep reading and want more...thank you. And, please feel free to tell me what you want more of! I mean, I do like to entertain to a point, and I want this to be a cool place to come and hang out.

With this all said, I think I will go masturbate now, create a hot fantasy in my head and blog about it tomorrow... until then...enjoy my tits!~

xoxo~!
andi

No FUCKEN way..Serious??

Mike: OK, the rumor mill is all the buzz today, Beside Whitney finally leaving Bobby (and the crack) and Britney’s forever ruined once hot belly, it has been said that “Supernova” AKA Narcotics Anonymous will not be allowed to use the name “Supernova” due to the fact there is already a “Supernova”, minus the track marks, tattoos and jaded past. Ryan, there is still hope for you to lead “Supernova” after all! You can read all about it here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/sddt/20060913/lo_sddt/injunctiongrantedinsupernovadispute
You would have thought that someone would have investigated this before hand? Oh well, on to the finale! Andi, Come on Babe…
Andi: Is it time yet? *passes Mike his drink*
Mike: This is it folks! Toby, Dilana, Magni and Lukas are left standing on stage!
Brooke just called Tommy “The Big Man”. She must have seen the video!
Andi: LMAO, Hey..we should rent that video one day..that may be fun! Maybe you can be Tommy and I could be Pamela!
Mike: I must say for the record, Dave Navarro is a scary looking fucker! Oh, Andi..hmm..well, we can check that out later…OK – Fewest vote time. (Last night the voting broke records in 3 countries)
Andi: It is always record breaking time! Serious. They say that every week. Mmmm…look at fucken hot Toby looks!
Mike: Whatever, all the dudes are standing! Go Dilana!
Andi: Shhh..Dilana is a bitch! Sheesh..
Mike: Whatever! Okay, Magni is the first to perform. Not enough votes out of Iceland I guess. He chose “Fire” by Jimmy Hendrix! Playing guitar, if I close my eyes you’d think Jimmy was back. I am going to miss Magni! Andi, stop, not now babe! Let it rest a few. Andi: Sorry honey..but Mmm…Toby is hot and you are hot..and well, I have had a long day and I am horny..
Mike: I know. I will take care of you later. Check this out Lukas is wearing big ol’ white glasses. He looks like he mugged one of the Olsen twins for them. Magni was OK. Not good enough to save his ass if you ask me.
Andi: Yuck..and Lukas has lip gloss on..looks like the kind I left on your collar the other day! Uh, oh..here is goes..
Mike: The second for elimination is… Toby? What the fuck? Lukas blows! Again with the Billy Idol! White Wedding, Go Toby! Actually Toby is looking like Lukas tonight minus the Hello Kitty Glitter. The audience is pissed! They want Toby! They are singing and dancing and, well it is Toby!
Andi: Ah, that pisses me off..Toby did not belong in the bottom two! Besides, you have that EVS tat on your ass…that could look really stupid if he is eliminated.
Mike: No shit..but, Toby rocked as usual! Dilana---and shove a potato up my ass-- Lukas are left. The guys have to send home either Magni or our boy Toby! Oh, commercial time which means, “Hey Andi…”
Andi: Mmmm…I love commercial time….we’ll be right back!

(Insert Moaning and Groping Here)

Mike: Okay, we are back. Damn, Andi is the best 2.5 minutes…seriously! Anyway, Gilby is talking… Blah, Blah, Blah… Get a hair cut!
Andi: His hair seriously scares me. I think he has it back in a scrunchie!
Mike: See you Magni! Say hello to the penguins in Iceland for us!
Andi: Ah, that is too bad. He was sweet. But, not lead-singer material! I still vote for billboard material on E-Bay!
Mike: No shit! Okay, three are left. Dilana, Luk-ASS and Toby. You’re right..Lukas is wearing mega lip gloss just for the guys! Now he get’s to plea his case as to why he is the best for them. Oh, and Dilana. Recap of awesome songs! Where does she buy her clothes I wonder? “I’m the one she tells the band”. Yes babe you are!
Andi: Shhh..come on! No she is NOT!
Mike: Toby, is up to plea his case. EVS. Yes Andi my ass is still sore.. Here rub some of this on it!
Andi: I will rub something..especially thinking of Toby!
Mike: Oh, watch this….Tommy has the shades on! One more time he says! Get ready world! This house is a rocking! OK, now for the performances. I think CBS just gave away the winner on the last commercial.
Andi: No fucken way! I need a drink if that is true—serious!
Okay, here is FAS-man!
Mike: Luk-Ass, “Bittersweet get the fuck off of the stage clown boy”. I wish some one would throw something at him! Oh, watch out, he is doing his best “Scott Wieland” I so hate you, you lip gloss wearing, Olsen twin stolen glasses, Hello Kitty Glitter, Boy George wishing, Wham loving, Duran Duran reject, A-hole!
Andi: Calm down babe..they have to make their quota for the disabled. Here comes Dilana!
Mike: Dilana is doing “Zombie” my FAV!...not now Andi! I am crying right now (literally), Dilana was so great. She has to make it. If so they will go on to be one of the best bands in history!
Andi: Sorry babe…I can’t help it..oh, here is…
Mike: Toby with the “Killer”, “Somebody Told me”… He knows that it is over! Dilana nailed it!
Andi: No way..that was HOT! OMG, I think I need to cum!
Mike: What kills me is Toby and Dilana have just proven that they are in a class far about Luk-ASS. Go Toby! He’s rocking! Pouring his soul out! (He is a tall drink of water BTW)
Andi: Hell yeah he is..mmm..much more to devour. I think you two are the same height though. Oh, now I am nervous….hold me!
Mike: *holding Andi and copping feel* It’s over! Time to choose! Well Andi, what are we going to do once this is over”? “I kinda got used to meeting in seedy hotel rooms with you.
Andi: I know, now there is no more excuses..hmmm..maybe some more couch sessions?? NO..what the fuck? Serious? Mike!! Serious??
Mike: Oh crap, Tommy’s drums are on the stage… What? Stay tuned. “Something is up folks” a riff in the band? Toby is gone over Luk-ASS? Jason is getting booed for sending Toby home! If Luk-ASS wins this I will Boycott Super whatever the fuck there name will be. Final two are Dilana and Lukas – Last night they both had the highest votes!
Andi: No FUCKEN way..serious! Toby can not leave! Who is it gonna be??
Mike: The guys need a few more minutes. I’ll tell you what. The crowd is all holding Dilana signs. If Luk-ASS wins, he’ll never make it out of the building alive.
Andi: I can not FUCKEN believe this!
Mike: The audience is Screaming Dilana!
Andi: Oh, I hate her..but I would rather her than….
Mike: Luk-ASS won! Fuck this!
Andi: No FUCKEN way…

Reporting for the last time on RockStar and now pissed as hell….

(I guess it is an angry-fuck tonight, Mike)

Mike and Andi

PS~I will return to regularly scheduled sex-blogging in the upcoming days stay tuned! Oh, and I am looking for my next Couch Victim...any volunteers??

Next to the Last RockStar Review

Yep, here we are...the next to the last RockStar: SuperNova review...so, here we go....

Mike: Ryan’s back? Where the hell is Andi? Oh my God, not “Back of Your Car” again.
Andi: Hey, Babe..here I am! Oh, I LOVE Ryan! He is SO hot! And you know I would LOVE to get in the back of his car!
Mike: *Eye Roll* Guess what Ryan? You still suck! Even the house band is like “Oh no, not again”. “Thanks Dave”? Oh, the bitch got a car! For sucking? Hell Zayra should have gotten a Diamond ring or something if that is the case.
Andi: LMAO! Oh, come on..he is hot! BTW, how is your ass feeling?
Mike: Fuck you!
Andi: Come on babe!! I love the EVS tattoo on your ass! LOL, You were so drunk last night! I can’t believe alcohol and a blow job could convince you to get that tat on your ass! LOL
Mike: Fuck you! Don’t tell people about that! Alright, Toby might take this shit! And by the way, Brooke looks so hot for a prego!
Andi: Shhhh! Here comes Toby! And look babe, everyone has EVS on their signs..just like your ass!
Mike: Oh, another cover and and original… Yawn!
Toby is up looking like a cross between George Michael and Michael Jackson. But he sounds great with the accent and the audience is all over it! Look, Andi…Toby is bringing Magni up on stage!
Andi: I know..Shhh..damn he is hot! OMG! Hand me a towel for the drool! And pass me the extra batteries!
Mike: Toby, this song again, “Chemical Dreaming”? Dude, take some shrooms and relax! I gotta say I never wanted to become homo this bad before!
Andi: Oh Mike, you could never be homo! Not after this morning!! Besides, you have to learn to love Toby…you have his saying on your ass cheek now!
Mike: Andi, you are lucky I love you, cause I would kick your ass. Wow, Magni, you kicked some ass on guitar! I hope they take note. Oh my God…Dave is kissing Toby’s ass.. Dave is such a switch hitter! And, Gilby is a fag as normal. Gilby go find Axl and get bitched slapped like the old days!
Andi: I like Dave, but Gilby SO needs a new hair-cut seriously! And, did you notice how calm Tommy is? He must be taking his ADHD meds tonight.
Mike: Andi, Pour me a drink babe…coming up – Lukas and “Cold Play”. God I hate that band! And btw, I must say, for as much money as those rockers Tommy, Gilby and others have, you’d think that they could shop somewhere besides Goodwill!
Andi: Here is your drink babe. *kisses Mike* Now, shut the hell up and listen!
Mike: Oh, Lukas, get the fuck off of the stage. What the hell is with the glitter around your eyes? Lukas is dancing and almost fell on his ass. Wearing the same lame, played-out outfit! Dancing even more homo than David Bowie! I wish that he would take one of those spikes off of his glove and ram it in his throat!
Andi: Mike, he is such a freak! OMG, I can not stand that Hello Kitty glitter around his eyes!
Mike: OMG, there is a “Rossi Posse”? Where the hell have I been? Go home Glam boy! Has anyone noticed that he is a hairy little bastard? Yes Lukas, we know that you’re not perfect, trust me!
Andi: LOL, at least I did not trick you into the “Rossi Posse” on your ass! LOL!
Mike: Wait a minute, what the hell is Paula Abdul doing there? Where is Simon? We need him after that! Dave, stop blowing smoke up his ass!
Andi: Paula is anywhere there is pot-smoking! She loves to get high, and I bet her and Tommy pop pills and smoke-out together! And then you know she gang-bangs the guys afterward.
Mike: LMAO, Andi, damn you are sexy as hell when you are bagging on Tommy! Alright, Dilana is up! C’mon girl, bring it! I love you! Roxanne by the police! OMG, Dilana, will you have my children? You are so fucking hot… Sting is dialing right now to get you recorded on that song! It’s over! Dilana is the new singer of Narcotics Anonymous! But, Andi….you know I love you! Oh, Now the original! That outfit is kicking! She’s doing the junkie shuffle again! The leg must be better! She is wearing no panties and the audience just got a bird’s eye view! She just got in Dave’s face…he nutted!
Andi: I don’t care how she shuffles or who nutted over her! I think she is a cunt after bagging on the boys a few weeks ago, and I do not like her still! The exorcism obviously did not work because she is still evil!
Mike: Oh..damn! Now she is working the audience! Dave’s on his feet! Tommy is rocking! Tommy just mouthed, "That was hot" Gilby wants Dilana to win…so do I!
Andi: OMG, she just pandered to Paula Abdul! OMG, please..go home bitch! I can not believe Dave just complimented you! She sucks!
Mike: Oh, you are so hot when you are jealous! Alright, Magni, hush. I had to actually play that song in stage band in HS. You’re rocking it too boy! Unfortunately I think that your visa is about to run out and you and your 10 kids will be soon collecting firewood back in Iceland! Wait…you and the house band guitar guy seem to have a thing going? Maybe, just maybe… West Hollywood, look out for Magni!
Andi: Mike, come on! His kids will do more than collect wood! Besides, with EVS on his head~maybe he can sell his head as advertising space on E-Bay!
Mike: LMAO…Now the original! Oh this again! Yawn.
Andi: Hey, I like this!
Mike: Andi, can you pour me another drink? Better yet, bring that fine ass over here.
Andi: *sits on Mike’s lap* Oh, come on babe…you know I would be a happy girl if Toby wins..besides, a happy Andi makes for a happy Mike!
Mike: Mmmm..love a happy Mike and Andi…and btw, after this is over, we need to go to bed! BTW, Dave is gay! Bro… Deep Purple song? Dave you just fucked up! That was not a Deep Purple song! OK, maybe it is…. Jason, I applaud you for wearing a tie!
Andi: OMG! Jason looks like an idiot wearing a tie! What happened to the good days of him in the Metallica t-shirts! Seriously! All of these guys need a stylist! Maybe you can do it when you retire Mike! LOL..
Mike: Alright it’s official! Dilana is 1st! I told all of you since the start! Have a nice evening! OK Andi, time to pay up on the bet!
Andi: Hey, it is not over till it’s over! And don’t forget the part of the bet I get whether Dilana wins or not….let’s got to bed! Turn off the lights!

Reporting naked from the comfort of our hotel room....stay tuned for the finale comments tomorrow night!

xoxo!
Andi and Mike

Im Procrastinating..

I am procrastinating. I have a ton of work to do, but instead I am blogging.

Today is 9/11. I feel traumatized. There is too much media coverage; too much remembering the horror of that day. Granted, I agree we need to remember and we need to see what we lost, but I can not handle watching all of the pain and the suffering that is being showed.

243 Firefighters died that day. One of them was named Matt. He was tall, dark and handsome. He was 34 years old, and one of my bestfriends. We talked about getting married one day, and joked about having children; we were in love.

I talked to him while I was in Austin on 9/1o (at a training) and cried in the airport the morning of 9/11 when I saw what had happened on the television. I knew he was there. I could not get in touch with him; his Captain told me that he would probably not be back. I sobbed while I slept in the airport that night because all the planes were grounded and the local hotels were booked. My cell phone lay on my chest. I prayed he would call. He never did.

It seems like such a blur, and it is hard to believe it is 5 years later...5 years without him. I moved on....I got married and had a daughter. I know he is happy for me. He has no idea how empty I feel sometimes.

I told you I would tell you one day...this why I hate Texas. It reminds me of the pain I felt that day.

I miss him.
I never talk about it.
It still hurts.

xoxo!
andi

PS~ROCKSTAR review tomorrow and I have NO idea who should win BB..although, Mike would be the ho if Erika did!!

Huh?

Huh?
Serious?
What the Fuck!!!

Now Im confused...

Pour me a drink!

xoxo!

andi

Wish you were here..

My dear friend and colleague left us six months ago today. My heart has been heavy, and my mind foggy today. So, I leave with you his favorite song. I miss him so much.

xoxo!
andi

Flying Solo with Mike...

Ok, so I am solo on this evening presenting to you the weekly “Rock Star” review. Andi, or “Ms. Thang” as I call her has been under the weather and not up to par tonight and apparently she is boycotting the review this week because she is mourning the loss of Ryan last week.

Personally, I think that I wore that young, hot ass out, but hey~Just saying. I know that I have been walking a bit bowlegged lately. Anyway, after this review I will have to continue solo after the show where as I am not used to that--what is Andi punishing me for? My opinions? Yes, she owes me big time! Handcuffs, ball gags, oh, yeah… right, on with the review!

On with my play by play..literally…

So Brooke came out looking like a pregnant zebra! Yes, she is having Tommy’s baby! Gilby took them all to write a song. Toby rocked, Lukas sucked. Dilana? What the fuck? Girl, are you losing it? You can sing but can you write? Toby just kicked your ass!!

OMG, they have to do a song plus one of there own? Dilana, ignorant? Say it’s not so!

Oh, Dilana is injured, got carried out by that huge brotha from Green Mile~

Dilana – The Who…. Not feeling it from the start! Oh wait, here it comes… Bring it Biotch! Dilana is rocking on the stool! OMG.. I wanna be that stool! Oh, nice harmonics with the cute house band guitar boy! Tommy looks stoned! Unimpressed! Tommy, why the shades Mate? OK.. So, so performance. Now the original. Once again is Dilana! Oh NO! Not the one leg junkie hop! Dilana looks like she just got hobbled by Kathy Bates. Oh, please sit down! Nice blue extensions girl! Oh the pain, the leg, but great song! Can anyone say “Ello Mate”. Toby has it! Someone put Dilana down. She can not dance on one leg! Great song though. Dave hates it! Oh, Tommy thought it was banging! Gilby the “philosopher” just got booed! Jason knows he wants Dilana!

Super Nova is Sold Out at the joint in Vegas. Second show added on New Years Day! House band is opening! Will Tommy sleep that night? Watch out Ticketmaster… Rockstar.MSN.com

Magni up next~let me go pour a stiff one for this! Back in the USSR. Rock it Magni! He is a great cover band guy! Gilby is masturbating on the sidelines! Magni, “Bitch please”. John Lennon is rolling in his shallow grave and Paul and Ringo are on their way to bitch slap you! This is not Karaoke Star, it is Rock Star! Iceland misses you. You are officially deported! OK~Now your original translated into English.. This should be good! I am lost in the translation Magni! BTW.. Journey already did this song I think? I am about to break out the parachute pants… The house band is in agony! See You Magni! Go grow some hair! What is up with the big ass watch? Even the snackies in the audience are looking at you like “Dude, what the fuck”? THANK GOD IT IS OVER. “Molten hot Magni” from Dave. You know where his mind is. OK, Tommy thinks the performance was the same. Magni says because they were both performed by “ME”. The philosopher Gilby chimed in agreement.

Brooke’s titties are getting huge! Storm is up next, time for another drink!

OK, Storm is up there looking like Charlie Chaplin! David Bowie again, wait, Dave is joining! Dave, you look like Eddie Munster on Heroin! Storm is hot in that outfit. Oh Storm, not a night for a shaky voice, and the eyes have taken orbit! Right now the audience is carrying you! What up with the clown shoes? Your original better rock Storm! If not you’ll be singing “My Bologna has a first name”. Now the original~ Storm is moist, BTW…. “What the What is lady like”? Oh you are so gone Ho! Nice wife beater, looking like Kid Rock! Your song is all over the fucking place! Get off the stage! Get! NOW! Storm Large, the next spokes-ho for lesbian rights. You better learn how to play golf, because you can not sing, you can not write and the Axl look is over a decade old. Take your clown shoes and go home!

Dave is up her ass already, calling her great. Dave, which great singers have you been on stage with? Go beat off and come back. Tommy Just nutted! “You all feeling me”. Gilby in check with the others.

Lukas is up next. I need to move my bowels for this.

Ok, back….

Oh Andi, where are you? I so need you right now!

Lukas – Oh NO… NOT BON JOVI! LIVING ON A PRAYER! I WILL KILL YOU! It SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SUCKS! DIE YOU BITCH! Jon B is on his way to slap your balls! NEWS FLASH – Lukas, punk is gone! They are laughing at you, you are a cross between Marilyn Manson and Bozo the clown! If I ever meet you I am going to break your nose! You totally butchered a great song and you will pay! Now your original! About your Mother? She’ll be one her way to slap your balls as well! GAWD, you so fucking suck! I hope you end up with Zayra in TJ taking it like a champ! Lukas, “You’re making my head spin”. Someone give him a double barrel and end this! Oh, I am going to be sick! BRB!

Of course Dave, is going emo on us. He dug it in visions of Zippos being lit for that crappy song. Tommy is asking the audience and Gilby forgot he was once in a real rock band!

Toby is next. I don’t know if I should break out the lube or pour another drink! I am so pissed at Lukas. “I will find you boy!”

Ok, Toby Time – “Ello Mate”… Killers? Good start! Looking hot, sounding great! The chick in the audience just came! Yes, you are the real deal! Sorry Dilana, you being crippled and talking shit… Toby has it in my book. I am not sure Narcotics Anonymous is convinced though. You are a little too “POP” and “GAY” for them. They are having visions of “Wham” right about now! Now, your original! Oh, great start. Sounding a bit like “Oingo Boingo”, with the “Oh Oh’s” but… Everyone is on their feet giving you the fist dance! Tommy just winked at Gilby, he wants you mate! Man the house band can rock! I think Tommy nutted again! OMG…. Tommy just grabbed your ass dude, you’re in! Ask for a bonus, I hear that he is hung like “Mr. Ed”. (Dave is jealous btw). Dave is sporting wood! Dave love’s you! Tommy came again! Gilby is foaming at the mouth! Jason is on you! Congrats! See you on tour! Sorry Dilana! Get your leg fixed and we’ll talk!

Andi, get over Ryan’s demise..stop puking, and working so hard, and get the fuck back here next week. This flying solo sucks!

xoxo!
mike

Hiatus Time...

Hi Friends...

There is not enough time in the day lately for me to complete all of my tasks, concentrate on school, finish my consulting jobs, and be the mom/wife I should be. So, at this time I am bidding you farewell....

As if...

Actually, I am taking a little hiatus to get some things caught up...I will be back...just not sure when!

So, feel free to talk amongst yourselves in the comments, throw a party, wreck the place a bit, and check out my archives!

See you soon!

xoxo~!
andi

Tales from the Couch..Sexy Mike Style..

I am so happy tonight..finally, after the negotiations..and rug burns mind you, I have FINALLY got my LOVE, Sexual Advisor, Partner in Crime and Best-Blogger-Friend…Sexy Mike on the Couch!!
So, let’s get this party started!!

Andi: Hey Baby, How are you?
Mike: My, my do you look hot tonight?
Andi: Thank you. So do you. But, seriously here is your first question..If you were a body of water which would you be and why?
Mike: A body of water huh? I would have to be the Gulf of California or as the locals call it the “Sea of Cortez”. My reason is, I am warm like the Mexican sea. Not to mention that I would be close to Cabo. Other things come to mind but? Is this a “G” rated session?
Andi: Is anything G rated with us? LMAO..Alright, Favorite memory?
Mike: You mean besides you and me the other night? OK, I know… I’ll try and be serious. I really have many. I can not put my finger on just one, but the first thing that comes to mind is flying back from Kuwait after Desert Strom and landing in New York to change planes. We were in full desert uniforms and as we walked the corridor, everyone stood and started clapping. I remember tears running down my face.
Andi: Babe, the other night was nothing…what about three months ago? Um, okay moving right a long…Promise or Deceit?
Mike: Is this a trick question? This is one of those analysis questions huh? I would have to say “Promise”. A promise is sacred and a test of ones true self. It is getting hot in here, can I take this off?
Andi: Ah, I was done with your analysis months ago. You know that! So, here is the next one…If you could choose a name for yourself other than your name now, what would it be and why?
Mike: Jean-Luc Picard! No, really… This is a tough one. I like my birth name of Michael James. I don’t like that there are so many Mikes or Michaels and most of them are ex boyfriends and from what I hear dicks. Sorry, I can not picture me being anyone but Mike.
Andi: Actually, I can not picture you as anyone else either…but Michael James, hmmm..I’ll remember that next time I scream your name out…you may like it! Okay, Guilty Pleasure? Besides me of course!
Mike: Oh, you are so bad Andi! I have many really, but I will share with you one of my biggest secrets. I adore Oreo cookies. They are like an aphrodisiac to me. Really. Got any? I’ll prove it! Lucky Charms are a close second.
Andi: Damn it! And, all the Oreo’s are gone in this office! But, I will make a trip to the store when we are done! Until then, If you were one of the main characters in a novel who would you be and why?
Mike: Oh, that is easy, Romeo. I think my boy was too quick to throw down on the poison. I mean, sure he loved her, sure she was hot, but as far as he knew she was dead and there were many more maidens in the kingdom. I could have set the stage for R&J II
Andi: Oh, I would buy tickets for that one! Alright, Oral?
Mike:Is that a question or a proposition?
Andi: It is a question..propositions happen after the couch session!
Mike: Yes, Oral. I love it. Both to receive and to partake in. The truth of the matter is, I would much rather put the time and effort performing orally on someone. It is ore satisfying and I enjoy it so much more. Do we need a break?
Andi: Break? Why do I look flustered now..or can you tell I am in need of a panty change now? Let’s just get this done so we can get back to our negotiation process! Hmmm..okay, the one thing you have to do before you leave the house and why?
Mike: You are evil! Yes, I have a mild case of OCD. I gotta go around the house and make sure that everything is turned off. Iron, Stove, extinguishable. It is pathetic. I have turned around and went back home because I thought that I may have missed something.
Andi: Oh, Babe..you are NOT evil. I kind of like your mild compulsion and attention to details! Trust me, they make you extremely desirable in many ways! So, here is a scenario:
You and I are invited to pick the new lead singer for SuperNova. We are in Southern California, and Tommy Lee tells us if we can agree on one person to front their band, and actually believe we both picked the right person then we get a free trip to Jamaica—fully paid for three weeks.Although the trip is enticing, and you would love to be alone with me drinking rum for three weeks, you are concerned that we can not agree and you refuse to alter your decision. What would you do to make sure that we agree, win the trip, make the right decision for SuperNova, and get to drink rum together for three weeks?? How would you go about it, and what strategies would you use?

Mike: I should have seen this one coming. Well you know my pick and I know that you will never agree to pick her. I do like rum, and the thought of you and me alone in Jamaica is enough to sport wood. So, I would take your choice and my choice and get them to sing for us alone, one on one with no band. They would have to sing the songs we gave them as many times as it took for us to agree. I we still could not come to one choice, I’d either try and bribe Tommy with some crack or attempt to whore you out to SuperNova to get to go on the trip without you! Ouch! I am just playing.
Andi: Fucker! I bet I could pimp you out first! Besides, you know exactly what I need to give into you! *wink*
Andi: Final Thoughts?
Mike: This was fun. It was nice to finally meet you with clothes on and in your office. People have no idea that you’re a lot hotter in person! I am a bit disappointed though, I am just getting warmed up…. How much for another session?
Andi: I’ll put it on your tab!

Happy HNT Thursday!
Xoxo~
Andi

PS~WTF, happened? Did Ryan REALLY go home last night on ROCKSTAR? I am mourning today…this is the most outrageous thing since Chris Daughtery left AI!

Kickin it with Mike and Andi...

Woo Hoo…it is ROCKSTAR: SuperNova Review time, and you are kickin it..Mike and Andi Style!! So, it is the night that the rockers sing the songs that America wants to hear!

Our thoughts on Dilana’s Stupidity…
Mike: What did you say to the press? Where the fuck have I been?
Andi: OMG, Mike were you not paying attention?….Dilana, you are one dumb bitch! Bagging on your friends..who the fuck cares if you apologize..serious! Boo hoo..who cares about your trying to make amends..please! I don’t care if you can sing..all I am is blinded by your being a bitch!! And, nice little tantrum..you are lucky as hell that you did not cut Magni's eye….you can't fix it…you suck!!

Our thoughts on Lukas…
Mike: Lukas, even though you look like you were just released from the Methadone clinic, you rocked Nirvana. My girl nailed it better a few weeks back, but props!
Andi: Lukas…. sweet little FAS man or as Mike calls you the man from the Methadone Clinic…now, here you are doing my fav… Nirvana tune! Lithium!! So, I kind of digged the lounge style beginning..and I have to admit, you rocked this harder than the devil version Dilana did..you definitely found the friends in your head today! But, word of advice..got to do something about the hair..you look like a rooster died on your head!

Our thoughts on Magni…
Mike: Magni, once you got done dogging all of the other guys and convincing us that you’re truly hot, you took another favorite of mine by LIVE and brought the chills. I like the way all the guys were touching you once you hit the audience. You must have convinced them that you’re hot. I, for one do not see it-- (and obviously Andi does) but singing that song the way you did might make me temporarily switch teams!
Andi: Magni…rockin it to Live..OMG, you make me wanna cum when I hear you wail those tunes acoustically!! Your performance was so great! I love you man, and this was one of my favorite performances of yours!! And, I know this is Mike’s favorite song, next to “our song--Black”…

Our thoughts on Ryan…
Mike: Ryan, since you’re going back to the piano to try and save your ass, I will tell you that from the first note you were off key. When you dared to jump off of the piano, I winced expecting a broken leg! Even with the GoodWill Thrift Store look and the un-combed hair, I could not feel ya. You ended by humping and nutting on the piano, not attractive from where I was sitting. I knew you were gone. Yes, Dave loves you but he is horny! And, fucken Andi..I dont know what she is thinking! Just sayin..
Andi: OMG, Mike, what the hell! Ryan is HOT!! And then, Ryan and Coldplay..Clocks, I hate this song to begin with, but damn please fuck me on that piano, or at least let Mike and I borrow it for a little while!! I loved the dramatic beginning, and I loved your getting up and rocking out to the crowd and then sliding up across the piano…oh, did I mention I want to do you on the piano or anywhere else..seriously! Um, and Mike will you please take pictures..I will need souvenirs!


Our thoughts on Storm…
Mike: Storm, I have really dogged you in the past, but I went into this hoping that you would nail this song. Another fav… I was nervous at the start until Toby jumped in. From there you rocked. For the first time I could see you in front of Narcotics Anonymous. On another note, the dress? Where did you find that? Not attractive, it highlighted the fact that you got some big ass knobby looking legs
Andi: OMG, I love you seriously…mmmm..and this new pic of you is HOT! I agree, I am not a fan of that dress. Wow, when Toby came out..I blanked out for a minute? Mike, did you notice the sexual seizure I went into…OMG, could you imagine a Storm and Toby sandwich! Oh, and she sounds great too…pass the Dilantin….I need to control these tremors!

Our thoughts on Toby…
Andi: Oh, they showed the naked Toby again…mmmm…Andi likes! Anyway, I love Rebel Yell, and I love you seriously! Mmm..your voice rocked, and you are hot!! That naughty little look in your eyes is just scrumptious..seriously~but, all that aside..you have one of the best chances to front this band! But, hell why couldn’t I be up there on the stage with ya?
Mike: Toby, you looked great as always and you brought it! Great job and killer song. Dilana, meet your competition!! Oh, and Toby, you made a few fans bringing those hootchies up on stage with ya! And, I thought Andi was going to cum herself!

Our thoughts on Dilana’s Tune…
Andi: Um, I love Mother, Mother..your voice rocked, your look was frightening…your jump rocked, your bass rocked. I still think you are a cunt because of your comments and bad attitude, and that move of putting your leg on the shoulder of the bassist..was scary. I hope he checks for crabs..seriously!
Mike: Dilana, you came on with that scary hotness. A flying V? OMG. Once again, “Will you marry me?” I hate the song the people made you do, but you pulled it off as always and with the several ass shots the camera guy provided, I am putty in your hands.

Last Words from Mike….
NEWS FLASH – Tommy Lee has stolen Paris Hilton’s pink cowboy hat! News at 11. OBSERVATION – The house band has to be one of the most rocking fucking bunch of musicians I have ever seen on a stage at one time. They need to form their own band!

Last Words from Andi…
Um, I am lost…I just saw Toby and Storm on stage, and I saw Ryan rock out spralled out on a piano~! OMG, pass the towel, and Mike lets go hit it cause now I am horny!!

xoxo~
Andi and Mike

PS~ Alright, you have seen him rant, and rave…you have seen his hot body and asked for him to do a calendar…but now, you get to see him on my couch! Yep, sexy Mike has agreed to let this chica put him on the couch (after several hours of sexual favors)…so stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment of Tales from the Couch…Sexy Mike style….

Southern Smarts..

I am back! Hello y'all! Woo Howdy...alright, so I am a little Southern now..officially..alright sorta! I have learned a lot on my trip to the great Commonwealth of Kentucky...so, I thought I would share with ya'all...

1) All men in the South sound sexy as hell with those accents..YUM!
2) There are a hell of a lot of red-heads and strawberry blondes!
3) Men wear undershirts under their button up shirts..even their polos!
4) A man will open the door for you even if he has to go out of his way to do so.
5) You get called ma'am a lot.
6) The homeless will give you flowers before they ask you for money.
7) There is a church every few yards; and none of them were Catholic.
8) Women actually do their hair...and accesorize; even at 6 in the morning.
9) The state fair is a HUGE deal!
and the best thing I learned in KY..

They have something called Derby Pie...it is an orgasm in a pie crust! OMG, pecans and chocolate...all gooey together..I ate it for dinner for three nights! YUM!

Happy Monday Friends!
xxoo~
Andi

PS~I wanted to give a shout out to the little military men in the Chicago airport. They just got back from Iraq, and were getting ready to go back to San Diego. They asked if they could take a pic with us because we were the first women they had seen that smiled at them. Of course we took our pics with them, and gave them all a hug and kiss, thanking them for their service. It was very touching to see people who actually are fighting for us..thank you!!

Tales from the Couch..Hottie Jon Style..

Alright, here we are..it is Tales From the Couch time…and this week, I am honored to present to you one of my favorite blogger friends, and my new crush…Jon! So, hang on and check this hottie out!

Andi: Welcome Gorgeous..Damn, thanks for being here!
Jon: First of all I want to tell you how honored I feel being allowed to be on your couch.
Andi: Ah, babe it is an honor to have you here. Wow, you have gorgeous eyes..anyway before I can't concentrate..Leather or Lace?
Jon: Thats not an easy question to answer. Both look damn good on a woman. I think I lean toward lace because it means you’re that much closer to being naked. I would love to see you in either… or help you out of either.
Andi: Ah, babe..you could help me out of anything!! Anytime! Alright, next question..
If you could have dinner with one famous person, alive or dead, who would it be and why?
Jon:There are so few famous people that I would really want to have dinner with. The reasons vary. On one hand I would love to meet Adam Sandler because I hear he is one of the nicest guys in Hollywood, but I don’t know. I tend to gravitate toward music all the time, so I think I would like to have dinner with Paul McCartney. I think he is one classy guy. I also want to get his take on Michael Jackson and hear him rant about his future ex-wife. Can I change my answer to Hugh Hefner?
Andi: LOL, no..you can not change! But, if you want to mess around in The Grotto sometime, let me know! Alright, what is your favorite month and why?
Jon: Not an easy choice either girl. I think they all have good things about them, but I think I would go with December. Not because of Christmas really, but because that is when I get to see most if not all of my immediate family every year. Sure this is because of the holiday, but I am not into Christmas that much.
Andi: Nice answer…love a man who loves his family! Alright, Tell me a deep dark secret.
Jon:Now you’re just getting nosey. I don’t have a whole lot of secrets. I am a pretty open guy. I’ll tell people just about anything. Are you ready? I had a 3 some. Me, a lady I used to work with, and one of my best friends. Yes, a guy. Before you even ask, No, he and I never “crossed swords”. She was into both of us, so we both got into her. It’s amazing what some people will do when they are going through a divorce.
Andi: Hey, what you do with your sword is your deal! Nice! Okay, um here is a scenario..
You see me every morning when we are at Starbucks. I am a stranger to you, but you have noticed you are becoming very attractive to me. What do you do to make me notice you?
Jon: Well, I know I would smile and say “Good morning”, but past that I think it depends on if you’re having your coffee there or to go. I think if you’re having it there I would ask you if I could join you at your table. If “to go” then time is of the essence, so I would probably try to think of something witty to say about seeing you tomorrow.
Andi: Wow, if you would sit at the table with me if I drank my latte there..then I would never get it “to go” again! Lol, okay now on a serious note..Least favorite memory?
Jon: Did you really want to ask me this? This is easily thoughts about the evening that I found out my sister was really sick. She died just a few hours later. It is one of the few things that can bring me to tears just with a thought. Can you pass me a tissue please?
Andi: *Passing tissue..and giving hug* Wow, I am so sorry..okay, let me see. Um, what legacy do you wish to leave for your family and friends?
Jon:I think a legacy of good times that we would have even without having a reason other than just being together. It seems no matter how mundane the circumstances of a get together are we would always make it fun and full of laughter… and beer. But for my kids I would like to leave a legacy of respect for themselves and others as well as knowledge of how to better take care of their personal finances. That was something I did not learn from my folks. They’ll need it especially knowing how their mother is. Don’t get me started.
Andi: Wow, nice! Okay, describe yourself as a dinner entrée.
Jon: I am a perfectly cooked juicy 16 ounce T-Bone steak, cooked medium. Just enough pink so you know I am tender and juicy and full of flavor. I melt in your mouth with every bite. Would you like to devour me now?
Andi: Um, speechless now and totally giving up on being a vegetarian! Wow, yeah..I think I could devour you..um, as I fantasize about that…Pain or Gain?
Jon: I don’t know. Can you have much gain without some pain? I think they go hand in hand. I believe that to achieve any meaningful gain you will definitely have hurdles to jump over. Plus if you make a mistake maybe someone with give you a spanking.
Andi: Mmm..spanking and devouring you..omg, you are killing me here! Alright, final thoughts?
Jon: When I first volunteered for this I hardly knew you. I think when you don’t know someone it is easier to tell your secrets, fears and anxieties. Then I got to know you a little, and the thought of sitting on your couch started to make me nervous. I think the last couple days you’ve been buttering me up to make me feel at ease about exposing myself.
Andi: LMAO..uh oh, you are on to me! Damn, you are great..no wonder I have a crush! Thanks babe!

Alright, so there he is! Check him out at http://jonslifecontinued.blogspot.com/

Xoxo~
Andi

PS~I will be back after my trip to the Southland…woo hoo!

Random, Review Ramblings..RockStar Style..

Andi:OMG..Dilana was naked! Wow, I was impressed..but I wanna see Ryan naked next!
Mike: Damn Andi, what is it with you and that guy? Seriously! Has anyone noticed that Brooke is Prego?
Andi: Patrice, her original song..Beautiful Things..didn’t hate it..didn’t love it. I still think she sounds like she would rock as a solo performer. She still reminds me of Alanis. Hmmm..I wonder if she would go down on you in a theatre too?
Mike: Patrice needs her highlights redone! With the guitar again? Is this a Go Go’s reunion? Stop looking at your hands while playing guitar! Again, the eyebrows are uneven…Gilby’s dog is wincing at your voice! Just because Tommy is high and getting into it doesn’t mean you’re good! Why is your belt buckle on your hip? Is that in style? Just asking? Dave’s a fag!
Andi: Fuck, someone pass Mike the Haldol, your getting a little too fashionista on me! Good thing we are doing this review naked!
Mike: Whatever! Tommy is a brother now and can not wear his hat straight. Jason is wearing Michael Jackson Gloves!
Andi: *Rolling eyes at Mike*… Smells Like Teen Spirit..and Magni..yeah, I love Nirvana, and get pissed when someone ruins a good tune. I felt like I was at a cover band performance. Not my fav!
Mike: Does Nirvana get proceeds from this show? How long has it been since Kurt ate a barrel? Magni has the Gangster look tonight, watch out, and with the gay keyboards backing him he looks real bad ass! Honestly, I could sing this song better! If you thought that you could not understand Kurt, check out Magni (http://www.rockstar.msn.com/) Sorry Magni, I had high hopes for you, but you’re outta there!
Mike: Dilana has some knobby knees BTW. Tommy giving rock star advice? Yeah right..he spent most of his career in fucken rehab. If Dave wants to see something broken..What about his relationship with Carmen?
Andi:Shhh..Ryan is up now..with an original song..I lost it when you told me that I could take my clothes off! Holy crap babe..you rocked!! OMG, I can see me cumming over and over to your CD, and not just because you are fine, but because you rock the vocals too! And Mike, he got laid..what the fuck! Were you there?? I wanna be there!
Mike: Ryan (You will not be a star) – Again an 80’s keyboard ridden glam song. And it is his own….. Bye-Bye Ryan. His tongue is red like he just sucked on a Now – n – Later. Ryan, your guitar is outta tune mate! You’re now not only sucking but making the house band look bad. You deserve a ball slapping for that! What is up with the Shinade O’Conner scream? Again with the scream…Ryan, brush your hair!
Andi: OMG, Mike..clean your ears!
Mike: What? Stop thinking with your hormones and listen! You seriously think that guy got laid? Only if he was a VIP at the Donkey Show this week! Maybe Zayra hooked him up.
Andi: Whatever, pass me a beer..and here comes, my girl Storm..Woo Hoo..Cryin by Aerosmith..mmmm..she looks hot as hell! And she rocked this song! OMG..now I am having visions of a 3some with her and Ryan. Wow, maybe I am just thinking with my clit!
Mike: Oh, Andi..you really need to get some! Maybe we can take care of some business after this show is over! Anyway, as for Storm, (Check out her big ass Jawbone) Getting brave with a great Aerosmith song…. Good luck shaky eyes! Oh she got the Hello Kitty glitter kit from Zayra! Hmmm…I am undecided…she sounds OK, but is scary to look at! Sorry Storm, I tried to get into you, but the fact is you just can not sing! Bye Bye! You’re pretty sexy though!
Andi: LMAO..oh, my… Mike!! Come on, she is hot as hell and she wailed! Alright, so we can talk about my not getting any later; not during the review..so, moving onto..Dilana!
Mike: Dilana! – Every breath you take… OK, I am Scared! Nice look! What is up with the eye lashes? Great stage presence! Looking like a Goth Cindy Lauper! She’s got it! She has already won! Again! Great show! Oh Dilana, the mom story brought tears to my eyes!
Andi: I will admit since the exorcism, I love her voice. I am not digging the outfit or the weird ass eyelashes..those scared me too! Quick, Mike..let’s go to our happy place! Anyway, she rocked that. Not sure that was my fav of the night though! Ah, and her mom story was sweet!
Andi: Mmm..Toby and Layla….did not really dig the arrangement! But, you know I see those blue eyes and hear that hottie voice, and I just melt! I think it was kind of cool. And, oh my..he took his shirt off! How about you Mike? What you think?
Mike: Layla? As you know Andi this is a favorite of mine! So, he starts out and I think, “Don’t fuck it up!” Too late you already have! Oops I was wrong, you’re bringing it in a weird Aussie way! Dude, did that shit in your eye hurt? Took off the shirt, bitches screaming? Why? Got the audience in it, nice pull! You got the sketcher hop down… You’re a hairy little bugger aren’t you? Great job? Thunder from down under…whatever..Andi wipe the drool off your chin!
Andi: Oops..sorry about that..*wipes drool off chin* Alright, it is Lukas..The Killers? Nice sunglasses..we still know you have fetal alcohol..so don’t even try to hide it behind the shades! The song was good, but I am seeing you fall to the lower levels now. Sorry man!
Mike: The Killers? Looking like a played out lounge lizard Or George Michael in “Gotta Have Faith”…. Dude, your look, your voice and your dreams of being lead singer of Narcotics Anonymous are over! Get some more peroxide for you hair bitch! Lukas, you are a disappointment! I thought that you had a chance… Go hook up with Zayra in TJ! And, of course Dave loved you. What the hell happened? When did you get an accent? Do you not realize the other rockers are dogging you and your fake ass accent?

And the predictions are…
Andi: I seriously think that Ryan is gonna take it! I think he has been an underdog, but is taking the band by surprise. And, besides if Ryan becomes the lead singer then Tommy can have his left-overs!
Mike: Dilana is the winner. I’ll bet anyone on this! Alright, pass the beer and turn down the lights!

Reporting live and naked on the ROCKSTAR:SuperNova review…

xoxxo!
Mike and Andi

PS~Tomorrow, stay tuned for Tales From the Couch..Hottie Jon Style..wait till you see this one!!

Shower me..

There is a place where I find solace
I can feel the water falling on my body; so invigorating
I rest my hand against the wall and feel the warmth between my legs
The water pools down my back
The steam rises up around me
I reach the point of no return quickly
Releasing the stress
Releasing the frustration
Thinking of you
Wanting you
Needing you
Shower me


xoxo~
andi

PS~Please go check out this site ! http://edtimestories.blogspot.com/ ..my sweet friend Edtime has been on a writing spree, and I can honestly say he really knows how to take my breath away...wow!