Sunday, May 21, 2006

Sometimes you just have to fertilize!


Well, as most of my sweet regular readers know....I have been thoroughly depressed lately. Yep, I actually had two days where I did almost nothing except drink wine, and whine! I even ate a whole small thin crust Domino's cheese pizza. I devoured every morsel within 20 minutes, and it made me sick. I ran around in my pjs. I did not feel like showering until late into the evening. I cried, blew my nose...talked to friends about how miserable I felt. I questioned whether or not I was having a mid~life crisis. The sad part was that if I were having a mid~life crisis...well, I would be dead at 64! I bitched about things here on my blog. I bitched to my sweet friends here in the blogosphere who emailed me and told me to hang in there. I teared up when I saw that my friend Edtime actually said the nicest things imaginable about me over at his place when he did his tag using the letter A. I did not go to work on Thursday because I seriously was afraid I may tell one of my clients that my life was worse than theirs. (I know, can you believe they still let me practice~)

Pathetic, I know!

But, here it is late Sunday night....7 more minutes until Monday starts...Yes, a new week. I just realized that I have been focused on the wrong things the last couple of months. I have been looking for greener grass! The weird thing is...I already have grass. Yes, it is not the greenest in the neighborhood, and there are some weeds etc. but, maybe...just maybe if I roll up my sleeves, and actually start to work on the grass I already have, it can be just as green if not better!

So, as lame as this analogy sounds I have decided that I am going to fertilize, and water...and of course pull the weeds~! I am going to work on making my grass the best grass that there is! I am sure I will have some barriers...like, if the neighbors dog craps in the middle of my grass, or if I get overwhelmed and want to eat another whole pizza, but I need to keep going. And if worst come to worst, I will just plant some damn sod in the places that are not getting healthier!!

Hugs~
andi

13 comments:

Edtime Stories said...

Relationships are more than the people in them and require more work than a newborn. I am glad that you are looking into the future with a better vision. I meant what I said and I am glad you liked it. And it is nice to see that your depression is subsiding. HUGSSSSS to sweet Andi.

Elaine Denning said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Elaine Denning said...

I thought I'd drop by and say hi...

You have a great blog here, I'm just sorry to hear things aren't going too well for you at the moment. While you're waiting for the grass to get all lush and green, (which I'm sure it will,) cheer it all up a bit with some flowers. x By the way, the deleted comment was mine - far too many typos to leave it out there! x

Green Eyes said...

Andi, that's one of the hardest lessons to learn: that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

But, once you learn it, you take more control of your happiness, and I hope you are well on your way to getting what you want and need.

Hugs to you!

KJ said...

Next time order a large and I'll come help you eat it..........seriously...I'll also bring a roll of cookie dough and I'll share which is a huge thing for me :)

Stay strong and positive...eaiser said than done, I know

Mike said...

Why are you so sad?? Talk to me???

The Chief said...

The grass is always greener on the other side, right? Well, I think your approach is the right one... work on your own lawn... or you could pour drano all over the neighbors' and make thiers brown!!!! Hang in there sweetheart... you know we all love ya and are pulling for you!

tm said...

Andi, sometime it's darkest be for the dawn. Speaking from my own mid life crisis (and I truly can be having one because I won't be dying until age 94, Yikes) it is just so easy to sit and wallow in unhappiness and depression. It is so difficult to find the motivation to make some changes. I am proud of you for taking action to control your own destiny. I hope you soon see many brighter days ahead. sending you a big proud hug.

Kristi said...

Good for you Andi!!!

Depression sucks when it takes hold. Good for you for pulling yourself kinda out!!

Snow White said...

Andi- I got my "E" post up tonight. Just wanted to let you know. I'm glad that things are looking brighter your way! xox

RobynB said...

Sweet Andi~

You are a strong, beautiful lady. I know words can be of little comfort sometimes, but remember that my thoughts are with you.

Depression sucks big green goat toes!

I'd hug you right now if my arms would reach.

Kisses
~Robyn

Unknown said...

at least you don't have to worry about all the shit my dog leaves everywhere when you're taking care of your grass. my grass is plenty green, mostly from the dog shit. ;) it's all in how you look at it. :)

Unknown said...

oh yeah, and great breasteses. prolly the most perfect pair i've ever seen. :)