Im Procrastinating..

I am procrastinating. I have a ton of work to do, but instead I am blogging.

Today is 9/11. I feel traumatized. There is too much media coverage; too much remembering the horror of that day. Granted, I agree we need to remember and we need to see what we lost, but I can not handle watching all of the pain and the suffering that is being showed.

243 Firefighters died that day. One of them was named Matt. He was tall, dark and handsome. He was 34 years old, and one of my bestfriends. We talked about getting married one day, and joked about having children; we were in love.

I talked to him while I was in Austin on 9/1o (at a training) and cried in the airport the morning of 9/11 when I saw what had happened on the television. I knew he was there. I could not get in touch with him; his Captain told me that he would probably not be back. I sobbed while I slept in the airport that night because all the planes were grounded and the local hotels were booked. My cell phone lay on my chest. I prayed he would call. He never did.

It seems like such a blur, and it is hard to believe it is 5 years later...5 years without him. I moved on....I got married and had a daughter. I know he is happy for me. He has no idea how empty I feel sometimes.

I told you I would tell you one day...this why I hate Texas. It reminds me of the pain I felt that day.

I miss him.
I never talk about it.
It still hurts.

xoxo!
andi

PS~ROCKSTAR review tomorrow and I have NO idea who should win BB..although, Mike would be the ho if Erika did!!